Going Numb



A point where the love you felt is destroyed.

Sometimes, life is too much, and relationships become unbearable.

You still care, in a way, about the situation, as it has destroyed you, but you cannot feel love anymore for the person.

Nothing means anything anymore.


There are years of rejection,


horrible events,


unbearable stress,


contempt from others,

pain, with comfort from no one

suffering, as uncaring people watch on, and think nothing of you

you cry, but you don’t exist

no one helps.

There are a million snake bites in the spirit,

You bleed and lay there dead, in your pit.

Unanswered prayers or denials,

Standing alone, wondering maybe you are not real any more

No kindness,

No mercy.

This goes on for years,

Maybe decades,

Or a lifetime.

You are “just there.”

The person or people that hurt you are “just there.”

You deal with them, interact as required, but the love is gone.

Now, the relationship is just a burden, a responsibility.

If it is a child, you brought them into the world, now you feel guilty since they turned out so wrong.

If it is a spouse, you may be bound by mutual bills and legal responsibilities.

For both relationships, you feel regret.

Maybe it should have never happened to begin with.

Or maybe it is someone else…..a friend, or other loved one.


You have given all you have, and you received nothing back.

You loved them, and they cursed you.

You have been knocking on their door, for years, for a lifetime, yet their response to you is to “go away,” and do not speak or bother them.

Or even worse, they ignore you, and won’t answer you.

You plead with them.

They don’t care.

Heartbroken, you face a closed door, a wall, and you languish on your lonely side.

The person has destroyed your life

Damage is permanent.

No way to reverse what has been done.

You cannot even smile any more.

You practice smiling in the mirror, but it does not look real.

The attempted smile looks pathetic and fake.

There is no joy in your life….. at all.


Why do I bring up this subject?


Because, as victims, we should have compassion on ONE who has been treated this way.

The ONE who gave us life….

He gets hurt every day by us, in this world.

He gave us everything, even his life, and people still spit on Him.

People still ignore Him.

People still hate Him.

People still reject Him.

People still abuse and mistreat Him.

People can see the suffering He did on the cross, but they just look on, and do not care.

People show no love, no kindness, no mercy toward the suffering they cause Him.

They put those nails in his hands and feet with their selfishness, coldness and sins.

They have no compassion.

They do it every day.

Jesus is “just there” to them.


People in this world seem to think that the Lord Jesus can tolerate sin.

He is strong, and can handle it.

He can just put up with us.

They think sin does not hurt Him, since He is all powerful.

But this is wrong.

Look at the picture above.

Does He look like sin does not hurt Him?

Sin hurts God.

Sin hurts Jesus.

Sin is painful

We should know this, because when sin hurts us, we can feel the pain.

God feels pain.

If we really love Him, we will not cause Him pain.

We will CARE about what we do to Him.

And to others.

Some Scriptures where the Lord pours out his feelings about being hurt:

Jeremiah 8:18-9:3

I would comfort myself in sorrow; My Heart is faint in me. Listen! The voice, The cry of the daughter of my people from a far country: “Is not the LORD in Zion? Is not Her King in Her?”

“Why have they provoked Me to anger with their carved images – With foreign idols?”

“The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved!” For the hurt of the daughter of my people I am hurt. I am mourning; Astonishment has taken hold of me.

Is there no balm in Gilead, Is there no physician there? Why then is there no recovery for the Health of the daughter of my people?

Oh, that my Head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh, that I had in the wilderness a lodging place for travelers; That I might leave my people, and go from them! 

For they are all adulterers, an assembly of treacherous men. And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies. They are not valiant for the truth on the earth. For they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know Me,” says the LORD.

Hosea 11
“When Israel was a child, I loved Him, And out of Egypt I called My son. As they called them, so they went from them; They sacrificed to the Baals, and burned incense to carved images.


I stooped and fed them. “He shall not return”I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms; But they did not know that I Healed them. I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love, and I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck to the land of Egypt; But the Assyrian shall be his king, because they refused to repent.

And the sword shall slash in his cities, devour his districts, and consume them, because of their own counsels.

My people are bent on backsliding from Me. Though they call to the Most High, None at all exalt Him.

“How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I set you like Zeboiim?

My Heart churns within Me; My sympathy is stirred.

I will not execute the fierceness of My anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim. For I am God, and not man, The Holy One in your midst; And I will not come with terror. “

They shall walk after the LORD. He will roar like a lion. When He roars, then His sons shall come trembling from the west; They shall come trembling like a bird from Egypt, like a dove from the land of Assyria.

And I will let them dwell in their houses,” Says the LORD. “Ephraim has encircled Me with lies, and the house of Israel with deceit; But Judah still walks with God, even with the Holy One who is faithful.”


We all need to be aware of how much we hurt the Lord.

Every sin is a rejection of His Love.

Every sin brings unbearable stress for Him.

Every sin is a wound in His Heart.

He has given all He has, and He received nothing back.

He loved you, and you cursed Him.

He has been knocking on your door, for years, for a lifetime, yet your response to Him is to “go away” and do not speak or bother you.

Or even worse, you ignore Him, and won’t answer Him.

He pleads with you.

You don’t care.

Heartbroken, He faces a closed door, a wall, and He languishes on His lonely side.

He is “just there.”

Years of rejection

Feeling abandoned

Every sin shows no mercy, no kindness, no love, no comfort or understanding toward Him.

Every sin abuses Him.

Every sin causes Him great sorrow.

Every sin makes Him cry out and weep.

Every sin drives the nails back into His hands and feet

Every sin is a crown of thorns.

Every sin is a sword shoved in His side.

I can see how He would be “numb” from all the heartless treatment.

I can see how He could still care some, but not be able to love any more.

How He would still help out of a sense of responsibility, because He brought us into this world, and feels a need to save us, as we have not turned out right, the way He wanted.

I can see how He would have regretted that we were ever created, with all the abuse He gets.

How, with all the decades and lifetimes of rebellion and sin, that, to Him, we would just “be there” but no longer be lovable.

I can see why He would give up on us.


But, He DOES still care.

He is STILL knocking on your door.

The Word of god says

Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.  Isaiah 55:6

There will be a time when His knocking stops.

Then your chance is gone

They shall go with their flocks and with their Herds to seek the LORD; but they shall not find Him; He hath withdrawn Himself from them. Hosea 5:6


Repent today, open the door, and let the One who loves you inside your life.

Don’t reject your chance to smile again.

Don’t let God “go numb” on you for eternity.


Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.   Rev 3:20

Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart.

Will you answer?


7 Responses to “Going Numb”

  1. Marianne –

    It is so wonderful waking up in the morning and finding a new post of yours in my mail box.

    This sad empty feeling that you speak of is so true. I am so used to it! And if we had to shut down temporarily, I think that is OK, it is a way for our most vulnerable selves to be protected.

    But, you know what? What I have found is that in these moments where I feel a deep separation from God, it is God Himself pulling me closer to Him. And, what I find ecstatic is that when I am feeling this way, something very special is about to happen. It isn’t always something happening outside of me, though that is the primary experience. Sometimes it is something shifting or opening up inside of me.

    I often think of people whom I do not have a relationship with today. Some out of hurt, others just drifted, and some are dead. But, once out of the hurt, I don’t feel so bad anymore, and I cherish the fond memories that once were. That will always stay with me.

    I’m certain there is some scripture that addresses this, but, for me, today, I just wanted to speak from the heart. Though there is something that has bubbled up and comes to mind (which I do not have a citation for) – “Be still, and know that I Am God”


    • denise

      I think god is with us more when we are walking through a valley than when we are on a mountain top.

      it seems hard to believe because we cannot “feel” him.

      as for hurtful relationships, i recently had news of someone who had acted like an enemy for over 20 years. all they did was hurt me…..

      I had prayed for their salvation

      last month I heard they died.

      something inside of me cried out, I hope he made it!

      that is when I experienced the lavender and spices.

      it is moments like this that reassure me that god DOES hear our prayers when all is wrong, and all the pain will be worth it someday.

  2. Hi Marianne,
    Really good thoughts & I know we can all relate! We are in the world but not of the world, thank you Father! I seek Jesus with ever breath I take. This may sound “nutty” but I talk to God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit all day & night long… It’s the only thing that keeps me going in this challenging world. I find great comfort in that. It’s become a kind of a prayerful daily, moment by moment thing for me, afterall, the Holy Sprirt dwells with in us. If I stay focused on the Lord & ask “What should I do, or say, etc” in any given situation & listen for an answer, I feel I am with Him. I feel comforted, not so “emptied” by the comtinuous daily disappointments & the bigger hurts. God promises to heal us & restore in us what the devil came to steal and destroy, But we have to let Him in to receive His promises… It finally dawned on me (!) that I’m not letting myself receive the gifts my Father wants to give…. Yes, that hurts Him… So eveyday I ask the Lord to show me how to receive what He wants to give. I know this has improved my life…I can feel Him smile, yes, it’s true! I look for the miracles around me. I thank Him all the time for loving me (us) first & always. Such a beautiful thing… Blessings to all!

    • elle

      a daily walk with god is a beautiful thing…something we cannot explain to unbelievers very well, or even many believers

      it takes time, patience and self discipline to develop this relationship, and so many want instant relationships, instant blessings and instant miracles.

      god is blessing you and i hope to see you in heaven someday soon

      • Thank you Marianne, you have been such a blessing in my life for so many years and I know we will see each other in heaven, I can hardly wait!!

  3. What If Jesus Had Been Born 2,000 Years Later in the American Police State??? 😮

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