Lie to Me!

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Lying and deception have been around since the devil and the Garden of Eden. As much experience man has had with this, why does he continually fall under the spell of lies? Why do people choose to be deceived? How can we avoid it?

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The root is pride and idolatry:

Deu 11:16 Take heed to yourselves, that your heart be not deceived, and you turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them;

Jer 49:16 Thy terribleness hath deceived you, [and] the pride of your heart, O thou that dwell in the clefts of the rock, that holds the height of the hill: though thou should make thy nest as high as the eagle, I will bring thee down from thence, says the LORD.

Oba 1:3 The pride of your heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwell in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation [is] high; that says in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground?

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Last days deception

We are told that in the last days, that evil will prevail. Lies and deception will become very common, almost “normal,” and accepted, and people will be led like blind sheep to the slaughter.

Luk 21:8 And he said, Take heed that ye be not deceived: for many shall come in my name, saying, I am [Christ]; and the time draws near: go ye not therefore after them.

2Ti 3:13 But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.

Rev 20:10 And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet [are], and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

Ever wonder if a person is telling you a lie? There are clues which can tell you that a person is being less than truthful to you and that are methods you can use to get at the truth or manipulate the situation.

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How To Spot a Liar:

Many of these will apply

No eye contact. His eyes will look away. If the room has a means of egress – that’s where they’ll look. Generally, if someone is lying they will not look you in the eye, at least during a certain part of the conversation. Normally, people make eye contact for at least half of a conversation, so anything less than this could be suspicious. One caveat: there are some people who will take great pains to make eye contact with you even if they’re lying, simply to make you think they’re not.

Eye Accessing Cues Mismatch: According to NLP The direction the eye takes reflects the function taking place in the brain at the time. For example, looking towards the upper left side means that you are constructing an image in your mind while looking at the upper right side would mean that you are recalling an image. How can that be of use?

Well, think about it, if someone looks towards the upper left when asked about something, he’s probably constructing an image of the lie he’s about to tell. This is just one sign that he might be lying. (See the full guide to eye accessing cues and liar detection).

Change in voice. A change in the pitch of a person’s tone, or a lot of stammering (umm, ah), or throat clearing could indicate a lie.

Unusual body language. If a person taps their foot a lot, fidgets with their hands, raises their shoulders, turns away from you or brings their hand to their face (to touch their chin or nose, etc.) — in other words, if they act nervous or uncomfortable — it could mean they’re telling a lie. Also watch out for blushing (or becoming pale) and increased blinking.

Something sounds fishy. Making statements that contradict each other, are inconsistent or don’t sound quite right are usually part of a lie.

Overly defensive. Sometimes when a person is lying they will become extremely defensive, refusing to answer any questions and even accusing you of lying. This may mean they have something to hide.

Changes subject easily. If someone is lying and you change the subject, chances are high that they’ll go right along with it. A person telling the truth, however, will likely ask why you changed the subject and want to go back to it.

Humor or sarcasm. A guilty person will often try to change the subject using humor or sarcasm.

Listen for the Pause

Forced to make up a story on the spot, most speakers will take a beat or two to collect their thoughts, listen for inconsistencies to ferret out lies. But be careful: “Smart people maintain the consistency of lies better than dumb people

Beware Those Who Protest Too Much

Someone who consciously is trying to make you think he’s honest–for instance, by injecting the phrase “to be honest”–may be lying. Most people assume they will be trusted most of the time. If someone expects otherwise, take a moment to ask yourself why

Crossing of arms and/or legs (a protective instinct).

The pupils of the eyes will narrow. Lying is stressful. Look for dilated pupils and a rise in vocal pitch. – signs of stress

Hands on the face, especially the mouth. They are “covering” the lie.

Talking fast. A liar wants to get it over with.

Sometimes the head will nod a “no” when answering a “yes” question or visa versa. This is a subconscious movement.

Mispronouncing the words or mumbling. A liar thinks he is not lying when he pronounces words incorrectly or mumbles.

Overstated friendliness/laughing. He wants you to believe and he wants you to like him so you will believe him.

Nervous movements of hands

Face becomes asymmetric

Reversal of blame – to get themselves out of a tight spot, instead of telling the truth, they will falsely accuse you of being the liar. This puts you on the defensive, and takes the pressure off of them for a truthful answer.

Adaptive behaviors due to fear- run away, exaggerated response, no response

Body language – sweating, nervous movements. Liars usually hide their palms, and don’t sit straight while telling a lie. (For more information, check the full page on a liar’s body language).

Use of negative evaluation gestures, as if they feel bad while lying

Lies lack detail

Liars also make more negative statements and complaints than truth-tellers do, and they appear somewhat less friendly and pleasant,”

Inconsistencies in the Story: In different places and times, the story is more likely to change every single time it is discussed. He will forget a word, add something completely new, or remove something that he had previously mentioned. Regardless of the type of inconsistency, it shows he is lying.

Feeling Anxious: Almost anyone who lies feels anxious, with various degrees depending on how professional the liar is. One of your concerns should be trying to spot his state of anxiety; talk as much as you can about the subject in order to keep him anxious. Check out anxiety body language in order to be able to detect anxiety.

Avoiding the Subject: A person who wants to hide something will usually try to avoid bringing it up in the conversation or even talking about anything remotely related to it. Try to talk about anything related to the situation without addressing it directly and see if he tries to jump out of it into another topic.

Lack of Assertiveness: Unless that person is a special agent who is professionally trained to lie, he will usually lack assertiveness while lying. His tone of voice will be lower and he will appear to be less confident.

Speaking Slowly: When lying, the person will usually be making up events as he goes along, which will result in slower speech or even several complete stops to think about what he’s about to say.

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Sociopaths – really good liars – experienced criminals, Jezebels, and politicians too!

Hardened criminals, especially ones who have been interrogated dozens of times, get better and better at lying,

The first, and the most clichéd, is a nervous tick of some sort that the opponent doesn’t even realize he or she is doing. It could be taking a drink of water, touching their ear, a funny sounding laugh, anything. It is your job to look for patterns to find behaviors that the person across from you is doing over and over again.

Arrogance – some act like they are better than you, and you have no right to question them. What you want to know is none of your business, and they do not have to tell you.

Another revealing point that many people have is using extreme sarcasm when asked a question. Instead of simply saying no, or telling you that their company wouldn’t possibly do that, their voice raises several octaves and they feign surprise or use exaggerated body language.

If you listen closely when this happens, they seldom deny the accusation you just made. They instead choose to make light of it. This is a common tell that most people don’t even realize they are making.

Sudden changes in posture or facial expressions are often common aspects of lying. If the person on the other side of the table tells you something than suddenly crosses their arms and sits back while dramatically exhaling, it could simply mean that they are tired and in need of a break, but if this behavior happens several times during a single negotiation, it could be a sign that he or she is lying.

Probably the most reliable sign that someone is lying is a sudden increase in anger or defensiveness. It is the most common physical manifestation of lying since it is natural for the liar to try to deflect or project their insecurities on to the person that they are speaking with.

If you notice a sudden outburst or a sudden accusation lobbed at you for no apparent reason, that’s a good sign that they are lying. If a negotiation does this on a regular basis, it is safe to assume they aren’t very good at their jobs.

Finally, if you feel like you’ve gotten into a negotiation with a seasoned pro, you might have to look for tiny tells like blinking or the amount of perspiration the other person is doing.

Observe unusual blinking of the eyes. That is associated to lying

Look at the mouth, and see if you can see the teeth. A forced smile will not reveal teeth.

A typical right-handed person tends to look towards his right when remembering something that actually happened, and towards their left when they’re making something up.

Liars also tend to blink more often, sweat more, and are not likely to touch their chest or heart with an open hand.

They become uncomfortable and restless the person becomes when there is a pause.

Liars speak in a defensive manner (they will be relieved if you change the subject).

When in a position of authority, they will use this as their right to do as they please, and they can lie, and this becomes the “truth,” as far as you are concerned. Their authority protects them, and gives them the right to change the truth into what they want it to be.

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How Not To Be Lied To:

1. Sit in the higher chair. A subtle sort of intimidation.

2. Uncross your legs and open your arms – lean back. Make yourself “open” to the truth.

3. Ask for minute details (a challenge to the liar).

4. Don’t ever tell them what you DO know – don’t point out you know what they are saying is a lie. This is your own ego trip.

5. Invade their personal space. Get close, they’ll get uncomfortable (good).

6. Mimic their posture and movements. Be subtle. This establishes a rapport and they’ll never figure out why.

7. Speak in their style. Listen to how they think. If the person says things like “I HEAR ya!” or “that SOUNDS good”, you’ll know he thinks auditorially or with his ears.

If he says “I shoulda SEEN it comin” or “I SEE what you mean”, you’ll know he is visually oriented.

If he says things like “it HIT me like a tons of bricks” or “I just FROZE in my tracks”, you’ll know he thinks by feelings.

Speak to him the same way. A good test is to ask someone to recite the alphabet. Some people will stare as if they are looking at the alphabet above the blackboard in grade school (visual), some people will sing the alphabet (auditory) and some people will taps out the letters (feeling).

If you match their thinking method, you’ll have instant rapport.

8. Give them an “out”. You have to make it easy for them to tell the truth. Pretend you didn’t hear them correctly or tell them you didn’t understand what they said. Always leave a way out so they recant their words and tell the truth.

9. Stay calm. Never show surprise or shock. Treat everything they say with the same importance. The first time you react negatively you will lose any chance of being told the truth.

10. Know Thyself

One reason liars succeed is that listeners don’t really want to know the truth, says psychologist Feldman. So be honest with yourself about what it is you want to hear. You may wish to believe that a trusted employee didn’t have his hand in the cookie jar. But does his story actually make sense?

This includes your vulnerable areas:

Family

Political, or spiritual, leader you put too much hope or trust in

Lover

Spouse

Job – boss or coworkers

11. Work on Your Intuition

“Good human lie detectors, if there are such persons, are likely to be good intuitive psychologists. They would figure out how a person might think or feel if lying in a particular situation, compared to telling the truth, then look for behavioral indications of those thoughts or feelings,

12. See it as a spiritual problem. You will not be deceived if you are unwilling to be deceived. Examine yourself, and see if you are guilty of pride, idolatry, or other sin, that is looking for acceptance rather than repentance.

13. Read the Word of God. Study the truth.  Do this daily. Those that have the truth will be able to recognize lies, false doctrine, and other sinful suggestions or behaviors.

14. Welcome the Holy Spirit to abide with you, to teach and guide you into truth.

15. Pray. Keep the door of heaven open to you.

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References

http://www.face-and-emotion.com/dataface/bookstore/popbooks.jsp

http://www.forbes.com/2006/11/03/detecting-lies-trust-tech_06trust_cx_ee_1103lies.html

http://www.weeno.com/art/0799/106.html

http://legal.realdealdocs.com/index.php/2008/09/26/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-lying/

http://www.lifespy.com/2006/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-lying/

http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/06/29/the-top-seven-signs-that-someone-is-lying-to-you.htm