Tired

 

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I live here in the silence, wondering when my path will end.

It seems like I only have a short time left.

I do less than I used to do.

I am old now. I never got to be young.

I have always wondered what it was like to be young, free, happy, and wrapped in a blanket of love.

So many burdens.   So much pain, cruelty and loss. 

So much isolation, and sorrow. So much despair.

Too many battles, with unhappy endings.

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And now, the time is gone. All gone.

I wish I could go back in time, and do it all over, a different way.

I look in the mirror, only to be disappointed. I see a weary expression.

There are too many lines in my swollen face, and there are dark circles and bags under my eyes.

When I walk, it hurts all over. I move slowly.

I look out the window, and only see a little.

Most of what I see are memories in my mind.

I listen, and hear less, because most do not speak to me.

All I hear now is my own thoughts.

Life is not what it used to be. It disappoints me.

But I keep going.

I keep walking the best I can.

My feet and body are bruised and swollen from the journey.

I have no strength left. I need support, but there is none.

Someday, in heaven, I will rest, and heal.

Heaven will stop my pain, just like it stopped yours.

Then there will be joy.

Because, I will be able to dance again.

And I will be young for the first time.

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Let us both remember Life, as it could have been. 


22 Responses to “Tired”

  1. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.
    4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
    5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

    Rev 21:3-5 (ESV)

  2. You have brought truth and much good to some you don’t know in this life. I recognized your weariness and only passed on to you what He, in His grace, has given me so many times.

  3. Hi Marianne, While reading your post this Psalm came to mind and I wanted to share it with you. Psalm 126, “Sow in Tears…Reap in Joy”. v5, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” God Bless You!

  4. Marianne my prayer is that the Lord will strengthen you and encourage you, that He will send cheer and warmth of love, to wrap you in as you continue in this faithful calling He has called you to.I for one, appreciate all that you have done and sacrificed to try to rouse the sleeping populace especially those who name themselves Christians, to the events that are transpiring as history hurtles to its end

  5. Marianne that is how I feel. It is so true. I never had a childhood, beaten and abrused. Only to enter life with many hardships wondering will it ever end. There are days I hate to get out of bed. Then there are days I hate to go to bed because when I awake, I’ll still be here.
    I find comfort in these word:

    God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

    • hi Rev Williams,

      You have precious seed in you. Nothing that God put in you will come back to Him void.

      Some deliver word that has not yet died in the ground. It has some effect, which is fine, but not profound.

      The Word invested in you will not be like that.

      Just as the Word had to suffer on the cross to bear true fruit, the Word that is in you is suffering also.

      But true seed, true Word, does not stay dead forever. It transforms.

      You are being transformed.

      God is at work, but it seems like it is the enemy and the world doing it.

      When God is finished, “Patrick” will not be there anymore, because he has “died,” and all people will see is Jesus.

      This hurts, but we hold onto hope, not that things will get better, but hope that God’s purpose will be fulfilled in us.

      We must decrease, so that Jesus can increase.

      • Very wise response, Marianne.
        Although I don’t know what this post is all about … I feel I should tell you something.
        The uncircumcised heart cannot receive the “Word’. The hardness of the uncircumcised heart simply is too hard to receive.
        That is why much pain at times, and much toil, and at times much losses is indeed needed for the heart to be circumcised.

        The foreskin of the Heart is enclosing the ‘ground’ so it cannot receive, NOR give.
        Only God The Creator can soften those tissues and cut out was is unmindful.
        I hope I’ve said this well. 🙂

        • Abigail

          Pain comes for different reasons – our fault, or someone elses. Jesus said we would have tribulation in this life. But God can use any circumstance for our good. We just have to trust him in that.

          • Yes , well that is what I am saying …
            ‘Only God can soften those ISSUES and cut out what is unmindful.
            🙂

      • Amen dear sister. This is why I continue on without worry. Thank you.

  6. tired perfect picture … 🙂

  7. Sometimes it’s so very hard to go on. The pain does get to be too much. I’ve already lost one child and my other is struggling. But to think of Christ’s pain and the sacrafice he gave makes my pain seem bearable. God’s perfect peace to you all and much hope for this ever-dying world.

  8. Thanks so much j.d. I read your post “Just Passin’ Through”. Things like this help me to go on. I needed this message today. Some days it’s so hard not to be bitter and ask “Why??”, but I feel I have no right too ask our Lord that question. I’ll just keep trusting in him and knowing that He knows whats best for us all. I’ll tell you, sometimes it’s a struggle! I am going to leave my e-mail on your post page. God bless you. Paula

  9. keep on keepin’ on, Paula. i know you still have great things in the LORD to do and he is not finished with you. you are more than a conquerer in Christ Jesus who strengthens you. i have prayed tonight that the LORD cancel all the plans of the enemy for your life and that from this day on that God would close all the wrong doors and open all the rightr doors. i also pray the wisdom of Solomon over you. stay strong in the LORD Jesus who is also Jehobvah Yireh- he is the God who is your provider

  10. It is presumptious of me to counsel anyone who has suffered a lot. I would add to these touching and sad words…we are being prepared for our place in Heaven. Here we get hints and glimpses of this…kindred spirits, hobbies we wish were livelihoods and vice versa! Natural places that feel like home…woodlands, mountains, seashores, cities. As we draw closer to God this veil thins and thins, just as a woman’s body, in the cervix, thins out to allow the child to be born. I had a child who matured this way and left for Heaven at 9 years old. She just fell in love with Jesus and He took her. From Heaven’s point of view,that is a luxury. To remain here, praying and giving God glory in the duties given to us…is hard sometimes. I tend to seriousness and Jesus makes me laugh. Once thinking very soberly about that verse, “Behold I make all things new!” I am certain Jesus teased, “You mean like Cher?”

  11. I’m 62 and I’m tired-Robert A Hall
    I’m tired of being told that Islam is a “Religion of Peace,” when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family “honor”; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren’t “believers”; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for “adultery”; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to.

    I’m tired of being told that “race doesn’t matter” in the post-racial world of Obama, when it’s all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.

    I think it’s very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.

    I’m tired of a news media that thinks Bush’s fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama’s, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush’s military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

    I’m tired of being told that out of “tolerance for other cultures” we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

    http://www.kevinwebb22.com/?p=260

  12. I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, “Undocumented Pharmacists”? And, no, I’m not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it’s been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military…. Those are the citizens we need.

    I’m tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here’s the deal. I’ll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we’ll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

    I’m tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I’m tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois , where the “Illinois Combine” of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama’s cabinet.

    I’m tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

    Speaking of poor, I’m tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn’t have that in 1970, but we didn’t know we were “poor.” The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

    I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

    Yes, I’m damn tired. But I’m also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I’m not going to have to see the world these people are making. I’m just sorry for my granddaughter.

    Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.
    http://www.kevinwebb22.com/?p=260

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