Dream / Vision – Lions and the Bride, A Love Story

–

I wake up to YAHWEH God’s love for me, when I thought I was nothing.

–

Excerpt from my book, The Lions and the Bride, A Love Story, published © 2000.

Disclaimer – Pastor Benny Hinn is mentioned, who is controversial now. This was back in the 1990s. He was just a part of the story for the entire book, during a certain period of my life, since I had some experiences during his meetings. The book is not about him, but about my relationship with Yahweh God. I moved on from Pastor Benny after the book was written.

This post is longer than usual, since it is a chapter out of my book.

–

The terminology used here was what I understood at the time.  I would describe some things differently now, as I have learned more since then. Thanks to Yahweh God, I have “grown” in Him.

–

Chapter 7

Entering into the

Mystery of the Bride

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give

honor to Him: for the marriage of

the Lamb is come, and his wife hath

made herself ready.”

(Revelation 19:7)

It says in Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” It also says in Jeremiah 33:3, “ Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

I was on a quest to really seek the Lord, and to know him better than I ever had before. I had so many questions, and there was so much I wanted and needed to know. I would not be happy until I did. On August 2, 1997,

again, I had a dream. The Godhead had given me a vision, in answer to my request on July 13^th,, and my

continued longing to understand the nature of the Trinity better. The vision was a revelation that was more than I could have imagined or hoped for.

71

In it, I, at first, was standing alone, when suddenly I felt the hot breath of a huge, wild lion coming up on my left, right next to my neck. His voice rumbled. I was so terrified that my breathing stopped, I went numb all over my body. I was totally paralyzed, and I could have easily believed that the very blood in my body stopped flowing. His head was gigantic. His shoulders and muscles were powerful. His mane was huge, with its hair brushing up against my face. I thought I was “lunch,” and I was going to die. Finally, my eyes were able to move and able to perceive other images around me.

Off further to my left, and up on a small mound, was a second lion walking back and forth. I could not see his face. There was something like a haze in front of it. But, I could tell he was observing me intently, never taking his eyes off of me. This second lion was of average size, and was about ten feet from me. He continued to walk back and forth and watch me.

My eyes then turned to my right to ten feet on the other side of me, and I could then perceive a third lion. This one was more delicate and slender, and was standing upright on his hind legs, like a human would. I saw myself standing in front of him in a beautiful, white bridal gown, adorned with big, beautiful white roses, which were attached to, and all over, the entire skirt of the dress. His right paw, or “hand” was touching my forehead, and pushing just a little, so that my head tilted back in a submissive way. I saw to the left of him a very large and ferocious looking bear, who was also frozen, as I was. The left hand of the lion was raised to him. I then noticed that the first large

72

lion was also watching me intently, and looked very intelligently at me. He could look right through me. I was then aware that he was communicating with the other two lions in a silent fashion. No words were spoken among the three lions, but they were all of one mind, and all thoughts were shared and instantaneous, and all about me. I was beginning to realize that the tremendous power that had originally terrified me was protecting me from the bear, which had tried to attack me. However, it became defenseless, and frozen by the power as well.

I also noticed that the huge, powerful lion was on the right side of the second lion. The third, slender lion was on the right side of the huge lion and so was I. My other self, dressed in the bridal gown, was directly under the hand of the third lion. As I observed, I was looking at the back of the third lion, who was standing in front of and facing the bride, Marianne. I could see my face, but not his. In fact, the only face I saw was that of the first, or huge lion. So the flow of things was this: to the right of the second lion with the hidden face in the highest position was the huge, most powerful lion, and to the right of him was the third lion and myself. The only thing to the left of anything else was the bear, who was my enemy. I then realized I was in the presence of the Holy Trinity, and that I was being shown my relationship to each one of them, as well as their relationship to each other. The most powerful lion, who initiated and mediated all the communication, was the glorious Lion of Judah, my Jesus, the King of Kings. The lion up on the mound in the highest physical

73

position was God the Father, who was keeping me in His watch and His care. The third, and most delicate lion was the gentle, but powerful, Holy Spirit, who was guiding me and touching my mind, and directing my act of submission. My beautiful, white bridal gown adorned me with the righteousness and purity of God, something I did not earn, but was given to me to wear. I had been made the bride of the Lion of Judah!!!!! It was so glorious!! The intense communication between the three lions demonstrated their deep and united love, concern, and possession of me. The incredible power, which had originally terrified me, was actually protecting me from my enemy, the bear, representing the devil, who was totally powerless in their presence. I also learned, by reflecting on the vision, how there can be one God, but three persons.

All three lions were made out of the same “lion material” but each was unique in his physical position, appearance, and relationship to me. So is the Trinity. Each person of the Trinity is made of the same God “substance”, which is the only true divine substance, and each has His own “position” with me as well. Each was functioning in a different capacity. God the Father was in the highest, most directive position, and very watchful and concerned. He was also the one most physically distant from me. Jesus had been given all the power in heaven and earth, and was the first one to move toward me. And, true to the Word, His face was the only one I could see and should seek. The Holy Spirit was the one who administered the actual touch to my mind and spirit, and lifted His hand against the

74

enemy. The flow, which was always to the right side, and true to scripture, was from the Father, to the Son, to the Holy Spirit, to me, as the bride. Just as all lions had the same “lion substance” but were three distinct entities, so does the Godhead all possess the same true, and only, divine God “substance” and are distinct entities as well. The oneness of God describes the substance and therefore the essence of God, not the number of persons which possess that substance. It was such a powerful revelation for me. And, it was a life-changing experience to be in the presence of such unlimited, raw power, which only sought to protect and care for me.

With the concept of the Trinity being one of the great mysteries of God, and in some cases a point of division for some denominations, it was such a moving experience to understand such a “mighty thing.” It shows how much the Godhead wants to be a revelation to mankind, and not remain a mystery. Just as the scripture from Jeremiah promised, if we would only call unto the Lord, we would be shown great and mighty things. God does not want to be a mystery.

God wants to be personal and intimate with us. Because of my desire to be more intimate with the Lord, I was granted a great desire of my heart, to know Him better. God’s message of desire toward me was so definite. It was not important who I was, and what I looked like to others. It was not important who I was, and what I looked like to the enemy. It was not important who I was, and what I looked like to even myself. It was only important who I

75

was, and what I looked like to God alone. And if I see myself only as God sees me, then I am totally free. There is no way to describe the tremendous strength this vision has given me during times of trial. When it looked like all was against me, and all was wrong, and it “appeared” that God had abandoned me, I would always think back on this vision, and know for sure that His incredible power was on my side, and I would have the victory. He had shown me how He had made me His beautiful, precious bride, and how protected I was, as long as I was submissive. And I was not beautiful on my own. As the Lord says so wonderfully, and beautifully in scripture,

“Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold thy time was the time of love: and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I swore unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord God, and thou became mine. Then I washed thee with water: yea, I thoroughly washed away thy blood from thee, and I anointed thee with oil. I clothed thee also with broidered work, and shod thee with badger’s skin, and I girded thee about with fine linen, and I covered thee with silk. I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck. And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head. Thus, wast thou decked with gold and silver; and thy raiment was of fine linen, and silk, and broidered work; thou didst eat fine flour, and honey and oil; and thou wast exceedingly beautiful, and thou didst prosper into a kingdom. And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty; for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord God.” (Ezekiel 16:8-14)

It is also so awesome how God bestowed His comeliness (beauty) upon me, and put an entire kingdom within in me, through the death and blood of Jesus. And nothing will wash that blood off of me. It will be on there forevermore. My heart belongs to my magnificent bridegroom!!!!!! And He loves me so much!!!!!

The vision of the three lions, and the need for supernatural vision in the church, is so close to God’s heart. But people tend to think of this need as only meaning “this little much,” instead of meaning “all this much.” The Lord cannot pour out revival on a body of believers that limit what He wants to do. If they believe that spiritual vision only means to have a nice ideal or goal to work toward, which can be good in itself, instead of a true, visual encounter with God, then that is all that is going to happen. Spiritual vision can be expanded to also include seeing with our spiritual eyes the glory of God. If people believe that the only time they will encounter Jesus face to face is after they are dead, then that is all that is going to happen. The prophet Joel prophesied that while still living in the fleshly body, believers would have visions of God (Joel 2:28). In Luke 6:38, it says that how ever we measure out things will predict how much is returned to us. If we only have a small measure of faith, then only what is defined by that measure of faith will be returned to us. If we

77

believe God will part the Red Sea for us, then He will. If we believe He will heal us and deliver us, then He will, but it will be in His timing. But if we believe that He will not heal us, or deliver us, or part the Red Sea for us, or come to us in a vision or dream, as prophesied on Joel, then He won’t. Only faith on our part activates the promises of God for us. God’s Word is always true and all promises are available to us. But if we refuse to accept them, then we will not get them fulfilled in our lives. What believers need is a “no limits on God” kind of faith, the kind of faith that will believe for what the world thinks is the wildest, most impossible things. This kind of faith excites God into action. The lukewarm, wavering, weak faith gets us nowhere.

The coming revival is not coming in order to just inspire us to repent (although that is part of it), get emotional, cry a few tears, and then settle in to be nice people and live nice quiet lives. The coming, or really current, outpouring of the Holy Spirit is to electrocute us into action. The Lord cannot use people who are poor, but well meaning, witnesses. He will not use wimpy people that might say prayers once a week on Sunday, who are sitting around waiting for God to do some kind of vague thing, but have no idea what God wants of them. These are the ones who are waiting for everyone else to do something, and they want to just sit back and be on the receiving end. These people will be left out. He needs people who know Him well, that want to stand in His presence, that have such a passionate fire to know Him

78

that they will tear down everything, and give up everything in their path to get to see Him face to face. Because, it is that face to face encounter with the King of glory that enflames us with His fire, and stamps His love on our heart, and really makes us His. It is the vision that rivets us in our position. Looking deep into His eyes, there is a revelation of His attributes and personality. In His presence, there is understanding, and there are no more questions. We become eye witnesses to His glory and love, and it pours out of us to others.

Recall the beautiful vision of Jesus from earlier. Jesus is our beautiful bridegroom. And our prayer closet is the bridal chamber. We need to approach Him in complete love and abandonment, as we enter into the chamber of prayer each time we pray. We will be transformed by His presence each time we gaze into His gorgeous face. As we enter in, we turn our back to the world. With our hearts, we shut the door to be alone with His Majesty. As we step into His presence, we loose our identity and become one with Him, because He shares Himself with us, and who He is overpowers us. We become lost in Him. And as we turn to go back into the world after prayer, we are no longer ourselves. And on our countenance is the glory and love that comes with intimacy with the Beloved. We have been transformed. We now see the world through His eyes of love and compassion.

79

When people come forward to the altar, their manner should reflect their intimacy with Him. Some people come and recite the only memorized scripture passage they know. Some come forward and beg. Others force themselves to cry, to show others how hard they are praying, and to impress God the only way they know how. This is sad. The tears are not sincere and with feeling. Some come with unbelief in their heart, not sure what to do to get God to help them. Others can’t pray at all, and expect the minister to do everything. The behavior reflects the condition of the heart, and their relationship with Jesus. True intimacy will be evidenced by the love and tenderness with which one approaches the throne. It will be reflected by the glow and joy on the person’s countenance. The person will feel total liberty in expressing all their feelings and supplications. Even when there is pain in the person’s life, there will be a total surrender, and a trusting placement of that pain on the altar for the Lord to take away.

When we speak to the Lord in prayer, we are happy and trusting, and we tell Him how beautiful and wonderful He is, and how happy we are to be with Him. Our God is the most excellent, most High God!! He is so awesome! He is so powerful!!! He is our most Exquisite Majesty!!! Above all things, He is the love of our lives!!!! He is there for us in all our trials and afflictions. It is this truth that gives us strength and inspiration. And it is this truth that carried me forward in the things that were to come next.

80

Soon after the dream of the three lions, my trials intensified. I was losing everything. But, I told the Lord that it was my covenant with Him that He could have everything that I was, and that I had. I told Him to take everything He wished, but do not take Himself from me. And if I were to lose my children as well, to please be sure that they were saved first by His mercy. I wanted them to belong to Him. They were all I had left at this point to offer Him. Other things had already vanished out of my life. I still couldn’t even find a job at this point. I was his true bride, and we were one flesh. One flesh feels the same joy and the same pain. That is the covenant between us, and is written in our hearts, where no one can touch it. So I said, “Your Majesty, I still have you. You are still my Lion of Judah, and I am still your bride. Your blood is my blood and your pain is my pain. I love you.” The circumstances at this time made it look like God had abandoned me, but I knew the Word says that Lord would never leave me, or forsake me. The devil even came to me in a dream and told me that he would win. Annoyed, I rebuked him and said, “You can’t talk to me that way. I am redeemed!!!” With that, he backed off and left.

The Word of God says that the Lord will set the captives free, and will deliver them from their bondages. No matter how hurt and abandoned I felt, I believed that there was a battle going on in the spiritual realm. And the Lord would win in His own way. I felt humbled once again. I told the Lord that even though my enemy, at least in the visible world,

81

appeared to have destroyed me, I asked Him to remember His bride when He won His victory, and lift me up to Him, not to the world. In a way, I may have wanted, at that time, to be lifted up to the world by the Lord, so that the world would see His faithfulness to me, and to what was just and fair. But then, I felt, maybe, I should have asked to be lifted up to Him first, and not be concerned with what the world would think. I asked for forgiveness. I told the Lord that I still wanted to feel His love and His presence. I asked Him to lift me up to Himself, and work a work in me.

I prayed for wisdom and understanding. I prayed for blessings as He saw fit. I prayed for an anointing on my spirit to glorify Him, and only Him. I prayed that God would show me how my losses, all defeats in the physical realm, fit into the divine scheme of things. I prayed that the Lord would teach me His plan and will for me, so that I could be obedient to it. I prayed the Lord would help me to die to the flesh, so that my spirit would touch Him better. I wanted to be useful to the Lord. So far, I did not feel very useful and wanted that to change. I needed understanding and wisdom more than anything from the Lord. I didn’t understand repeated defeat in the physical realm, but I did understand I needed to stay nailed to the cross until I really died. Only then I could come off. I asked the Lord, knowing it might be painful, to speed things up and help me die!! I did not want anything between Him and myself.

82

A week after the lion dream, there was an attack on my health. From later comparing my symptoms to someone else who had the same problems on the same night, I was having a gall bladder attack, which could have been serious. But the Lord was allowing this experience to strengthen me.

I woke up with severe stabbing, stomach pain and severe vomiting. I was so weak. I didn’t even have the strength to call out for help in my own home. I asked the Lord to help me. His answer: “pray.” I replied I was too weak to pray. I was too weak to even speak. Answer: “pray.” I replied I was in too much pain to pray. I needed someone to help me. Answer: “Remember how you were hurt before the Raleigh crusade and you fought for your healing, and you were healed that day?” I replied, “I need help, Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, please help me.” Answer: “Physician, heal thyself.”

I finally obeyed, because the pain was increasing, and so was the violence of the vomiting. With all that was in me, I remembered what Pastor Benny taught about spiritual warfare, and I started rebuking the spirit of sickness and infirmity in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, and prayed in between vomit episodes into the toilet. I continued to cast out all devils in Jesus name, by the authority of the power of His blood covenant with me. I claimed healing in the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ, whose name was above all names, to whom devils must bow. I continued to vomit even more. I told the devil I was going to vomit him into the toilet!!!! I cried out to my Jesus, my King, my Savior, my healer, my husband, my Lion of Judah. I

83

claimed my healing and ordered all devils to leave and never come back. I told the devil they may have gotten in by accident, but they were leaving on purpose!!!! I continued to vomit and fold in half from the pain. I continued to praise, thank, and worship the Lord, for He is a faithful God, and keeps His promises of healing and in all things. I praised Him for bringing me from glory to glory!!! The vomiting and the pain stopped within 15- 20 minutes!!!! I was overjoyed!!! I then fell asleep for a few hours.

Three hours later there was a counterattack (isn’t that like the devil?) I repeated my prayers. And just to defy my attacker, I went into the kitchen and drank some milk and toast, and put lots of butter on the toast. I continued to stand on my healing. Three hours after that, I could feel another attack coming on, so I defied the devil again, and ran into the kitchen, and ate a nice piece of meat with lots of fat on it, something which would be a bad idea during a gall bladder attack.

I was learning to fight, and I was starting to enjoy myself. I thought, “Lord, you might just make a real woman out of me yet!” Each counterattack, and there were a few, was met with great resolve on my part that it not succeed. I wasn’t giving up my healing, and I didn’t care what the symptoms were. By the next morning, the attacks disappeared, and I even stopped by an emergency room to confirm that I was now OK. All tests came back negative. It was now Sunday morning, and I showed up for church just in time. I then found out about another lady who experienced the same attack the same night, and had been admitted into the hospital for

84

gall bladder surgery. She could have been me. I was so grateful that God gave me Pastor Benny, who taught me about how I could claim the promises of God in my life, which included those for healing, and have victories I did not know I could have before. When I was growing up, I had learned to just accept sickness when it came along, and maybe go to the doctor if it persisted. But, all healing was through the doctor only, and if he couldn’t help, then I would just have to accept whatever it was. I never prayed for healing.

Now, I had learned I did not have to be sick, and that the Lord will step in when the doctors can’t help, or are not available. I had also started to learn, and put into practice, the principles of spiritual warfare, and how to stand on the Word. As the bride of Christ, I was learning how special I was, and how I could rely on my Lord and husband to take care of me, and protect me, from harmful things. I was also learning that my Lord wanted to share his authority with me, and by exercising this authority, I could have more victory in my life. I was also learning how to call on Him, have a better relationship with Him, share His virtues He would bestow on me, and produce fruit for Him in my life.

However, the learning process was just that, a process. There were going to be times of defeat in the physical realm, as well as times of victory. I was still to learn that some things were easier than others. It seemed that when the situation only involved the devil and myself, I could win quicker. When it involved other people, and what was on their mind and in their will,

85

then things got harder. I learned I could rebuke the devil. I learned I could not rebuke “flesh.” I also did not understand God’s timing yet. It seemed I would stand on the promises, and things would still go wrong, and defeat seemed to prevail. I was trying to understand if I was interpreting the promises in their proper context, or if I was way off in what I was asking for. When I thought of all the tribulations that the apostle Paul had, I felt I shouldn’t complain, but it also seemed he was suffering for the sake of the gospel. In some ways, I wasn’t sure why there were problems, or if I fit into the same category as Paul. I wasn’t preaching the gospel, but I was always trying to do the right thing, and hopefully I was in line with scripture.

I was a bride very much in love, but I was also an inexperienced, naive bride, and needed to learn more before I could truly please the Love of my life. He once told me “Feel my pain,” and I wondered if, when I was injured, my own pain was interfering from focusing in on Him. I felt very lonely and wanted more of Him. My life was becoming more and more empty, as I either gave up things for Him or they were just lost anyhow.

One day, on August 24, 1997, I was sitting in church and thinking about a sales job I had accepted that just “was not me.” I had accepted it, thinking that since the door opened, that I was supposed to walk through it. I was new to this particular church, and still seeking out a church that was like Pastor Benny’s ministry. At the moment, I wasn’t sure if this church would do, and if I

86

was going to fit in. The sermon was being given, but I wasn’t listening. In my mind, I was talking to my Lord. I said, “Lord, I don’t seem to fit in anywhere.” Answer: “You don’t belong to the world. You belong to me.” I said, “My job takes up too much of my time. I’m so tired. 8 hours a day is too much. I can’t be with you.” Answer: “Your time belongs to me.” I said, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to serve you.” Answer: “Submit, just submit.” I said, “What do I do then?” Answer: “Be my bride.” I said, “What about money to live on?” Answer: “I’ll provide, just submit.” I said, “Lord, I’m incompetent. I have no talents to serve you.” Answer: “Just submit.” I asked, “What do I do for a living?” Answer: “Be my bride.” I said, “I asked for you to close all doors except one. Then the sales job came open. Is there a reason? Do you want me to learn something from this? Is this the open door?” Answer: “The only open door is me. Sell Me………..” In obedience, I quit the sales job.

The next day, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I could hardly stand. I fell to my knees and was led to pray for hours. I cried a lot and didn’t know why. My Lord was leading me on a path of faith. I had no idea what He wanted outside of being His bride. I noted that all true Christians are brides as well, and still can function and/or minister in some specific way to serve the Lord. I was restless. I wanted my Lord to give me some kind of “job” with Him. Others were actively doing things in His service, and I wasn’t doing anything.

87

I felt left out. I continued to go to Pastor Benny’s meetings, and buy his books and tapes, and study them. I would go to all the meetings, and become so enraptured with being in the presence of the Lord, and seeing others in service to Him. Then I would come home to just sit in a pew and do nothing. I didn’t understand that my Lord was trying to get me to just become quiet in Him, and start looking around, and watch. Usually in scripture, when someone was called into ministry, they were either told to go somewhere and say something, or to do something specific. My Lord would tell me to go somewhere, and not to do anything or say anything! I was confused.

Also, being quite naïve in the things of the Lord, I also didn’t understand the “charismatic language,” and at times I would look very ignorant to the point that people would sometimes assume that I was newly saved, and shouldn’t be allowed to do anything around the church until I “matured.” So, I ended up getting left out of things, and feeling more useless as a result. I felt isolated and wanted to retreat, and spend more time with my Lord. I thought maybe since I wasn’t grown enough in Him, He didn’t want me to do anything yet. I wanted to experience more and more of His love.

One day, I noticed some of my note cards in the Song of Solomon. As I looked down to read some of the passages, it reminded me of how I felt about my Lord. It described someone who could not sleep, and wandered around the city looking for her beloved. I cried. That’s how I felt. It seemed that others, who already had so many other close human relationships,

88

were describing experiences with my Lord that I wanted. I had no other deep, satisfying human relationships at the time, and I lacked the experiences with my Lord as well. I would lie awake, and tell my Lord I needed Him more, that He was all I had. I longed for Him. What I didn’t understand was that others had divided their time up, and could only give the Lord a portion of their time. I was spending all my days with Him, not realizing that I was receiving more than I thought.

What was being stirred in me was not the result of physical sensations, or temporary experiences during the services. What was happening in me was the deepening of my passion for the One I loved. I longed for Him. There was a sense of almost desperate abandonment taking place. He was all I thought of. I was being consumed with the need to have more and more of Him.

Every time it seemed He denied me of something others seemed to be experiencing, the craving for Him would intensify. I wanted it too. What the Lord was doing was increasing my desire for Him, by making me stay many times just out of His reach. When others would get immediate gratification of their desires, they would cease to seek more. It was easy for them. There was rarely an immediate gratification of my desire. It would build and build until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I would weep for Him. Then I would cry out, and sometimes He would continue to be silent toward me. Then other times, He would come in like my knight in shining armor, and do something so incredible, it would take me ages to calm down. That would only make me want more. Then

89

there would be another long period of “denial,” followed by another cry out to Him, and finally another response. I never took His presence for granted. While others claimed they “felt” things so easily, experiencing His presence was for me a rare and precious moment. I cherished it. The anticipation of when I could experience Him again in a special way would build, and the uncertainty of when it would occur would be on my mind constantly. At times, I would be so hopeful and full of excitement. And at other times, I would be so lonely, and depressed, and discouraged, because it seemed like it had been so long. I would wonder if I had done something wrong.

I would repent of things I did not understand, just to woo Him back to me. I was empty without Him. Sometimes, I would pine away, watching others who seemed to be receiving His attention, when I was being denied. I would go to my prayer closet and complain to Him that I needed His attention too. I didn’t mind others being blessed, but I wanted to be blessed too. I was impatient. I wanted Him all the time, and felt weak during the dry periods. But Lord wanted me to accept the dry periods in faith and just pray. All he ever asked me to do was pray.

He did not want me in a position which was recognized by others. He wanted me in the cleft of the rock with Him. I was to be a “nobody,” but I was to be His “nobody.” That assignment certainly helped to kill my flesh, because I wanted to be of service. I didn’t want others to think that I was a “do nothing,” or that I didn’t care enough to serve, or that the Lord did not think I was fit

90

for service in some way. However, that is how I was viewed. I was not recognized as one with leadership in the church, because I performed no visible service. This assignment did much to humble me.

During this humbling process, my Lord was starting to restore to me things the enemy had taken. I dealt with private things within myself and asked for healing. I was led on other fast and prayer periods during this time, sometimes for 3 days, or as long as 30-40 days. I wanted to be a bride without spot or wrinkle. I wanted to be better for Him. The more I ached for His presence, the closer I was drawn to His cross.

At one point during one of the services at church, I could almost see Him hanging on the cross for me. I could feel Him touch my heart. I could sense Him whispering my name. I started to cry. As I stood there bound on my own cross, I just looked up and said “Jesus.” I asked Him to help me. I continued to ask how I could do more for Him. By now it was October, 1997 and in my personal time, I was occasionally led back to the Song of Solomon, especially the passage where He says (4:12),

“A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse, a spring, shut up, a fountain sealed. A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon. Awake, oh north wind and come south, blow upon my garden that the spices may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat His pleasant fruits.”

My Lord knew I loved flowers and other beautiful things. He knew I loved romantic poetry. This is why He led me to this passage. It was a love

91

conversation between us, and I cherished it. Again, I had no talents, no skills, no services to offer my Master. All I had was my love. I asked Him to come into the garden of my spirit, and dwell with me. I wanted His indwelling to cause my hidden spices, all the fragrances of my desire, and my well of living waters, to flow out as a love offering in His presence.

But because of my desire to do more, I constantly asked if He would increase His use of me. I wanted a wonderful crown to cast at His feet someday to show my gratitude. I didn’t want to come before Him empty-handed. He finally showed me a vision (October 5, 1997) of what represented my house, and how he was going to work through my physical realm. It was a beautiful gift to be answered like this.

My house was (and is) rectangular shaped. What I saw was essentially a floor plan with the front door open and the side door open. The only thing visible was a substance flowing in through the side door, and flowing out the front door. The substance filled my house also, and the size of my house remained constant. The “capacity” of my house was fixed, and so the amount needed to keep it full would remain constant as well. But all other substance (excess) would flow in through the side door and out the front. As I watched, I commented, “Lord, I don’t see myself in the picture.” Answer: “You’re not in the picture.” What my Lord meant was that I was only to be an observer of what He was doing. He was doing everything. I would see God’s

92

blessings flow into my home, and then back out to others. My needs would remain constant, and all excess would go to the kingdom of God. I would always be provided for. I felt blessed at this, that he would allow me to see Him bless others with resources that came into my home. It would all happen perfectly, because it would be Him doing it, not me. I would just get to watch and be amazed.

Along with this beautiful vision of service to my Lord, came an extra dream (October 21, 1997) about a gentle, happy, carefree lion, that jumped up on me like a puppy, and wanted to romp and play. I was amused, and laughed and enjoyed this. The Holy Spirit had come to visit me, and fellowship with me, and share His joy. Although He was a very powerful person, and He was God, He was reminding me also of our child-like relationship, and His innocent love for me.

We were so happy to see each other. But at the conclusion of this sweet visit, He gave me a message about a “Song of Tonah,” which was to become my song. I didn’t understand what this meant, although it was made clear to me immediately that the name Tonah was really the name Jonah. I always remembered Jonah as the prophet who disobeyed God and got in trouble. I wondered what Jonah had to do with me, and why the name Tonah had been used. As I look back, I should have reflected more upon what this encoded message meant. Scripture instructs us to meditate on the Word day and night, but I had been neglectful on this point. Tonah was a mixture

93

of the words “tone” and “Jonah.” Outside of the musical connotation of the word tone, which is consistent with the message that there was to be a “song,” the root definitions of the word “tone” reveal definitions of: “tension, the act of stretching, to be resilient, to strengthen, to soften in appearance, to mellow, to blend or harmonize.” It could also describe a mood, or a style of speaking, or writing. What I didn’t know was that the Song of Tonah would describe the next few years of my life. It described how my vessel would be transformed and “toned” into a useful vessel by the divine potter’s hand in the land of Nineveh.

–

–

see  Lions and the Bride – A Love Story

for entire book.

–

–