Family First, not Church

 

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When “church” is more important than family, there is something wrong.

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While we should put God first in our lives, we should not use God as an excuse to dishonor or neglect our family.

I see this when “believers” give all their money to the church, while their loved ones suffer from lack.

Some pastors encourage this behavior to increase revenue, and have the loyalty to the church come before the family’s welfare.

There are also articles like this one below, supporting the behavior. It is HORRIBLE in content:

 

Excerpt:

Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church

Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family.

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2016/august-web-only/if-our-families-are-more-important-than-our-churches-we-nee.html

Natural family has usurped God and his family as the primary identity marker for most church-goers.

** natural family seen as an enemy of the church?

Most of us prioritize our commitment to family above our commitment to the church. This is unfortunate, because the Bible offers us a different set of relational priorities.

Unlike his surrounding culture, what is most important to Jesus is faith family: “Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matt. 12:46–50).

** while the spiritual family is important, this does not mean the natural family is a lower priority

Jesus’ call to join a new family generates an unavoidable loyalty conflict. Which family do I now owe my ultimate loyalty?

Getting Our Priorities Straight

Most of us would rank our relationship priorities like this:

God

My family

God’s family (church)

Others

** this is correct, or one could put both natural and church family on the same level

But both Scripture and Christian history reinforce the idea that the family of God should rank higher than natural family. Jesus did not primarily call individuals into a private relationship with him. He calls us to join a movement, to become part of a new family. The notion that loyalty to God could somehow be separated from loyalty to God’s family would have been foreign to Jesus and the early Christians. As third-century theologian Cyprian of Carthage famously said, “He who does not have the church for his mother cannot have God for his Father.”

*** really? We may be part of a movement, but this does not describe what Jesus taught.

Western evangelicals tend to think of Jesus as a personal spiritual trainer with whom we interact one-on-one, leading us to distinguish between loyalty to God and loyalty to God’s family. But for Jesus, the only way to relate to God is within the community of his family.

Thus, Jesus’ relational priorities look something like this:

God and his family

My family

Others

** Jesus never said this

While this ranking is tough for most Western evangelicals to embrace, it makes better sense of Jesus’ “anti-family” statements. If God and his family take priority over our natural families, the problem of conflicting family loyalty is solved. Because Jesus lived in a culture where family loyalty reigned supreme, if he intended to establish a new faith family—one which would take priority over the natural family—he would obviously have to challenge natural family loyalty time and again during his earthly ministry. This is precisely what we find in the Gospels.

** this is faulty reasoning and not true. Jesus did not have to challenge natural family loyalty.

Formed by the Family

Jesus’ relationship priorities help us understand that the church—the family of God—is not here to serve the interests of our family, it’s preferences, desires, and needs. Rather, our families are here to serve the family of God.

 

**selfish approach. So natural families sacrifice for the church, who thinks it has to do nothing for the natural family.

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While the above argument has some relevance in some cases, why would God’s family accept someone as genuine, when he neglects his family, or refuses to honor or help his parents, spouse or children?

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God’s Law trumps tradition, and man made priorities.

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We see this in a debate Jesus has with the Pharisees over tradition and priorities in the synagogue.

He used an example of a young man who is giving money to the synagogue instead of helping and honoring his aging parents.

After all, he has been taught that the synagogue comes first, and his offering will somehow indirectly benefit the parents.

And the Pharisees think that is ok, since it benefits them.

Matthew 15

3 But he answering, said to them: Why do you also transgress the commandment of God for your tradition? For God said:

4 Honor thy father and mother: And: He that shall curse father or mother, let him die the death.

5 But you say: Whosoever shall say to father or mother, The gift whatsoever proceeds from me, shall profit thee.

6 And he shall not honor his father or his mother: and you have made void the commandment of God for your tradition.

7 Hypocrites, well hath Isaiah prophesied of you, saying:

8 This people honors me with their lips: but their heart is far from me.

9 And in vain do they worship me, teaching doctrines and commandments of men.

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So, according to Jesus, it is more important for the young man to honor and love his parents, and to help them in need, than to give money to the synagogue.

If he has money to do both, that is fine, but he should not neglect his parents to give money.

Giving the synagogue priority over the parents is a man made tradition.

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While some argue that obeying God includes paying tithes first, and then God will provide for family, that is not scriptural.

The tithe is no longer binding, as we are now commanded to give free will offerings only, instead of tithes.

Tithes stopped anyhow when the temple was destroyed.

Tithes went to the temple, not a gentile church.

And they were never meant as a source to pay a pastor a full time salary.

I have seen people fail to pay their rent, food or utilities because they were under pressure to pay their tithes first.

https://heavenawaits.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/tithing-for-jews-and-christians-for-internet-pdf-conversion.pdf

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And mercy is more important than sacrifice.

https://heavenawaits.wordpress.com/mercy-not-sacrifice/

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So there is no conflict between obeying God’s commandments, if they are interpreted properly.

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God’s moral law is paramount.

If we neglect, and are not devoted to our natural family,  then God will not honor our offerings.

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Personal experience

I have personally witnessed a church environment that fostered the breakup of marriages and families, the church controlled the attitude toward the family that was “in competition with” the church.

The bottom line is that the church did not really care about the family in need, and the family unit was only there to serve the church with its money and time.

If the natural family cooperated with the church’s expectations, then all was well.

If the family members needed help themselves, or opposed this tyrannical church structure, then they were discarded as “sinful.”

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Important point

If family members are also faithful to God, and enjoy the church environment, then that is fine.

If family members are unbelievers, then God still expects us to love and pray for them, and help them when they need help. We are to be a witness to them with the light and love of Messiah.

If family members reject us for our faith, that is one thing. We should love them anyhow.

If we reject them, that is another thing, and unacceptable. Our rejection sends the signal that God rejects them also.

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